Ok, it's a brand new year! Oddly enough, I'm finding these annual events to matter less and less as I grow. Big fucking deal! Another year has passed by. So what? Well, I guess to a certain extent it does matter as a way of keeping track of where you've been and where you're going. When I think back to last New Years...well, my mind draws a blank. I'm quick to remember, though, other events that had happened around that time and it just amazes me both how quick and slow these markers come.
I'm finding myself now maturing far quicker than I thought was possible. It's hard to describe but there are moments when I'm doing something and my minds drifts into a conversation with itself, noting how odd it is that I'm doing what I'm doing or how I never thought I'd be but now am. Does that make sense? For instance, at work I help supervise several messengers and as a messenger I always thought how dumb some policies were. Now, as a supervisor, I'm on the opposite side of the fence implementing these policies and seeing everything from a completely different perspective. What mattered as a messenger meant little to what happened as a supervisor. It's been roughly a year since I advanced from messenger to supervisor and the dynamics of it all has finally caught up with me. When I first started I had the luxury of not being required to do much and thus most of my day was spent answering the phone and playing games online. Now I'm thoroughly kept busy with both projects and paperwork, not to mention slowly being eased into messenger personnel issues. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've been given to grow at work, and the administration of these tasks tells me that I'm capable of reliability and trust, but to a certain extent if I allow myself I can become overwhelmed by it all. I try to take each task that comes across my desk on a "task to task" basis as opposed to trying to look at it all and mapping my day. Bringing it on home, this is a prime (the prime) example of how I've matured. I'm work-centric at this point of my life. Further down the road I'd like to take the opportunity to head back to school, to get a degree and fantasize about what I would like to do with my life. Unfortunately, that time isn't now. I have bills to pay, a lifestyle I need to keep. I, for once, have the resources to take care of some things I should have taken care of before. I can say, up until now, I've been pissing my life away. Things have changed in my favor and I can try to position myself at this point to do what I would like to in the long term. Everything now: relationships, dreams, expressions of myself will all have to wait until June when the 79th Legislative Session is over and I can finally breath again. Until then, everything will revolve around work and another marker will begin: when I started having fun in 2005.