Ok, so I haven't really contributed much to this as I had endeavored with my last post...sue me! It's 1AM, humid and I can't sleep. Perfect time for some contemplation, no?



My friend was just here for a few days for a wedding. I miss having her here in town. We've been friends for something like 9 years and she moved back to her hometown like 3 or 4 years ago. We see each other at least once a year when she makes a trip to Austin (I have yet to fulfill my promise of going to visit her in El Paso but I'm working on it, I am!). She's one of those people that keeps you going, you know what I mean? The person that insists on staying out till last call. It's almost impossible not to have a good time in her presence.



Her visit coincided with my 28th birthday. Birthdays are always an introspective time for me. A time for me to think about what might have been if I had made this choice or chosen that route. I'm glad my friend was here to keep me from going to that place mentally. For the first time in a long time I actually had a good time on my birthday. I just kinda went with the flow of the day, not at all concerned with timing for this or if this person was late or not. I have to admit that by just letting things fall as they may, I enjoyed myself much more thoroughly.



Now at this point, I'm not going to go on at length in regards to how much I drank. I'll just apologize now to my cousin for up-chucking in her sink and thanking her and her husband for allowing both me and my friend to crash at her house in our inebriated state. I'll also thank God for the miraculous 3 block drive from the bar to my cousin's house safely. May I never endeavor to do such a thing again.



I accompanied my friend to the wedding in which she participated in as a bridesmaid. I'm acquainted with the bride and I've known her to be one of the nicest people I've ever met so I was appreciative of being able to help celebrate her nuptials. The venue for the wedding was a beautiful events center in Round Rock, Texas called Bella Notte. It's easy to see why anyone would want to celebrate a wedding there.



Surrounded by turn of the century architecture, an ornate pressed tin ceiling, and gorgeous flowers a boy couldn't help but fantasize about his own wedding. Now I'll be the first to admit that I'm not necessarily the romantic type...I'm more Samantha than Charlotte any day. However being bathed in the chandeliers' lighting got my mind churning. Would I appreciate and do something like this? What song would I dance to? What cake would I serve? Would I have my wedding party dance to a certain number?



I don't know what my answers would be. It's nice to day dream about but I can't seriously consider the thought when I don't even have a man to call my own. Which each passing year and each passing month down to the passing days and hours I'm starting to think that fantasy is where I'll have to live out my dreams. I'm starting to feel like my best days are behind me and squandered.

It's been awhile since I've contributed anything to this blog. We can attribute that to not having much to say. I consider myself a pretty vocal person when it comes to expressing my thoughts or ideas but up until recently I really haven't had any need to express myself. Madonna would cry "For shame!".

Personally, I feel like I'm stagnant. You know, just kinda going through the day to day motions. I can't pinpoint when I stopped caring about things. I guess it happens to everyone at some point or another. A sort of midlife crisis, I guess. I've always been something of an idealist, dreaming of the impossible and how I was going to change the world. Reality sank in and expelled any ambition, dream or interest in its way. Apathy is a bad place to be.

I don't want this post to be a total downer. Just want to express the mood and place I feel like I've been in for the past few years. It's not as bleak or as depressing a portrait as I've painted either. Thoughts roam when you see people getting married or moving in together, children growing, people graduating and moving on to exciting or rewarding careers. You can't help but feel left behind at some point, as if you jumped off a train and the other passengers are so much further down the track than you are.

If anything I want this to be a marker of when I changed my mind and decided to do something different. I want this to be an indication of when I set about changing what I had been bitching about for so long. I want to be able to look back and see where the complacency ended and a man decided to pick himself up and keep moving.

I really don't remember why I started this blog. Probably because it was the "in" thing to do at the moment. Without glancing at previous posts I can surmise that it's mostly filled with fluff and filler. I want to contribute more substance in the future, more developed thoughts on my opinions and events going on in the world.