Sticks and Stones...

I had a friend confide in me an acquaintance's opinion on me.  I already knew this person wasn't fond of me so I was prepared for the worst.  I wasn't, however, prepared for the exact adjective that was used.  What word describes the opinion this person has of me?  "Disgusting"

What the fuck!?  Of all the fucking words in the world that's the operative word?  I feel like this revelation caused me to go through the 5 stages of grief.

1.  Denial - Surely he wasn't talking about me?  I've been nothing but kind and courteous to this prick!  There must be some mistake.  Maybe it's a misunderstanding.

2.  Anger - Fuck that hoe!  I was prepared to walk over to his place, knock on the door and read that heifer for filth.  I was channeling my inner New York and was ready for it to go down.  Probably kinda like this:

Then I decided that would be overkill but I would confront him the next time I saw him.  Which considering how infrequent that was would probably never happen.

3.  Bargaining - Ok, I skipped this one.  What was I going to do?  Beg and plead my case?  Fuck that.  Next!

4.  Depression - I mulled it over for a day.  That someone thought of me that way ate at my soul.  It wasn't racing in my mind but it was in the background festering.

5.  Acceptance - Ultimately I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter before I found out and it didn't matter after.  His opinion didn't negate me as a person; it didn't make me a lesser person.  He was entitled to his opinion and in all likelihood I had probably done something to contribute to it.  Maybe I was too lowbrow?  Maybe I was too crass in my sense of humor?  Maybe he found out that I thought he was a controlling cold asshole and marveled at how he maintained a relationship with someone diametrically opposed in every possible way.  (Yeah, that was a read.)

People are going to have their opinion of you both good and bad.  You have to decide whether that's going to effect you or not.  You have to be secure in who you are to not let the praise bring you up or the scorn bring you down.

As Ru's Mama says, "If they ain't paying your bills, pay them bitches no mind."

I'm back, bitches!  So this is, what, my third attempt at posting to this regularly?  Initially I had some misguided attempt to log a sanitized version of my life.  Let's be real deal Holyfield:  that was never interesting and I'm not interested in documenting the more interesting, salacious aspects of my life.  Mostly because I’m not going to put myself out there like that.  Regardless of whether it's your intention or not, everyone is trying to project an image of themselves to the public and I'm no different.

Now that that's out of the way  I have been inspired by my cousin Melissa's food blog and Chelsea Hander's Netflix docuseries to attempt to produce something of some sort of value which I have always wanted to do.  By both its become rather evident that to really do something worthwhile I'll have to plan out my posts.  I've been brainstorming and have come up with a few ideas that I think will be interesting from a personal and public perspective.  This way I can add my perspective to particular topics but also pepper those with posts of events in my life that I feel would be fun to document.  Life has been particularly busy so there are a few things coming up that I think will help to break up the musings.

I'm going to TRY to leave out the rants and the opinions of those around me and try to focus on my own thoughts and ideas, though.  For that bullshit you can always check in on my Facebook or Twitter feeds ;)

Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller recently passed away.  I have a great deal of respect for comedians.  It takes true talent, discipline, tenacity and balls to do what these people do.  Rather than go on about all the qualities comedians possess that I admire and covet, I'll just post the following to crack you up.

Somewhere there's a cackle roaring through air...



Rebirth

I've kinda lately been enthralled with the idea of leaving behind some record of my existence (like, say, this blog).  Probably a combination of being single, turning 30 and everyone around me having babies (don't drink the water!).  My mortality has also been occupying some thought as I've been seeing the doctor to diagnose the cause of some chest pressure I've been experiencing (I'm fairly certain it's an ulcer; cholesterol has come back normal and I've got a stress test tomorrow morning).

My past experience on this blog has been cosmetic at best.  On one hand I'm not too keen on divulging too much of myself and on another I'm all too aware of the person I want to portray as a representative of myself.  I don't care about any of that bullshit anymore.

If there's going to be a record of my existence, I'd like it to be representative of me and not who I want others to think I am.  That means covering all bases.  The good and the bad, boring and exciting, romantic and sexual.  Well...maybe not that last part.  I really don't need to document how much of a slut I am.  It'll suffice to say:  I am a slut.  Now you know.

At the moment its late summer in Texas, which means its hot as fuck!  My air conditioning went out on me for the second time this season but it wasn't too bad.  I finally caved and bought my cat Sadie a Kitty Kong.  Where have we been without you?  Treat time AND play time rolled into one?!

My latest obsessions have been Hells Kitchen (Gordon Ramsay is gifted in the fine art of tongue lashing), Political Animals (Brothers and Sisters meets The West Wing), Joseph Gordon-Levitt (amazing in The Dark Knight Rises and every other role he's done), Thom Evans (because he's fucking hot) and The Newsroom (Sorkin does it again!).

My tastes are fickle and ever changing so that list will change soon.  I've got my first trip to Vegas within sight and my first Madonna concert as well.  Assuming I'm not cash strapped because some car part needs replacing or my cat needing surgery.  Again.

Political season is gearing up and that means there will be posts on here questioning the stupidity of this candidate or that.  Mark my words:  at a time when Republicans were perfectly poised to sweep in and take the presidency, they put forth the most boring, non-charismatic rich man they could find.  Their dialog has no legs.  Obama WILL win a second term and they have no one to blame but themselves.

Pet Peeves

Pet Peeves. I'll be the first to admit that I'm easily annoyed and frustrated by the most trivial of things but there are a few pet peeves of mine that really grate on my nerves. Mostly these things are a matter of courtesy.

Poor manners really piss me off. Terms like "Please", "Thank You" and "You're Welcome" should be in your vernacular. If they're not, check yo self.

Waiting. Waiting for anything tends to piss me off. Long lines? Forget it. I'd rather go without than have to endur that madness. Waiting to meet someone? I'd rather be late (and quite frequently, I am). Purposely keeping someone waiting? That. shit. drives. me. nuts. Watching someone do that to someone really, really ticks me off.  Who are you to dictate how valuable someone else's time is?

"It is what it is."  I hate that stupid phrase!  No fucking duh!  The hallmark of a feeble mind incapable of ending a conversation.  I have more respect for the rude person who abruptly ends to do their own business than someone who ends with that moronic phrase.

What are the stupid things that drive you bat hit crazy?

Halleloo, ABC cancelled The Revolution and saved General Hospital!

I've been a viewer of General Hospital for like 17 years or something (god-damn, I'm old!). I've weathered the soap through great writing and bad, amazing production and what-the-fuck moments. I was there for Robin and Stone (squish, squish), the return of the Cassadines, the Nurses Ball, Sonny and Brenda, Luke and Laura 2.0, Lucky and Elizabeth, Jason QUARTERMAINE! It's been a long road.

I have a lot to comment on regarding General Hospital and the state its in today but for now and this post I'll just leave it at: Yay! Motherfuckers!!

Ok, so I haven't really contributed much to this as I had endeavored with my last post...sue me! It's 1AM, humid and I can't sleep. Perfect time for some contemplation, no?



My friend was just here for a few days for a wedding. I miss having her here in town. We've been friends for something like 9 years and she moved back to her hometown like 3 or 4 years ago. We see each other at least once a year when she makes a trip to Austin (I have yet to fulfill my promise of going to visit her in El Paso but I'm working on it, I am!). She's one of those people that keeps you going, you know what I mean? The person that insists on staying out till last call. It's almost impossible not to have a good time in her presence.



Her visit coincided with my 28th birthday. Birthdays are always an introspective time for me. A time for me to think about what might have been if I had made this choice or chosen that route. I'm glad my friend was here to keep me from going to that place mentally. For the first time in a long time I actually had a good time on my birthday. I just kinda went with the flow of the day, not at all concerned with timing for this or if this person was late or not. I have to admit that by just letting things fall as they may, I enjoyed myself much more thoroughly.



Now at this point, I'm not going to go on at length in regards to how much I drank. I'll just apologize now to my cousin for up-chucking in her sink and thanking her and her husband for allowing both me and my friend to crash at her house in our inebriated state. I'll also thank God for the miraculous 3 block drive from the bar to my cousin's house safely. May I never endeavor to do such a thing again.



I accompanied my friend to the wedding in which she participated in as a bridesmaid. I'm acquainted with the bride and I've known her to be one of the nicest people I've ever met so I was appreciative of being able to help celebrate her nuptials. The venue for the wedding was a beautiful events center in Round Rock, Texas called Bella Notte. It's easy to see why anyone would want to celebrate a wedding there.



Surrounded by turn of the century architecture, an ornate pressed tin ceiling, and gorgeous flowers a boy couldn't help but fantasize about his own wedding. Now I'll be the first to admit that I'm not necessarily the romantic type...I'm more Samantha than Charlotte any day. However being bathed in the chandeliers' lighting got my mind churning. Would I appreciate and do something like this? What song would I dance to? What cake would I serve? Would I have my wedding party dance to a certain number?



I don't know what my answers would be. It's nice to day dream about but I can't seriously consider the thought when I don't even have a man to call my own. Which each passing year and each passing month down to the passing days and hours I'm starting to think that fantasy is where I'll have to live out my dreams. I'm starting to feel like my best days are behind me and squandered.

It's been awhile since I've contributed anything to this blog. We can attribute that to not having much to say. I consider myself a pretty vocal person when it comes to expressing my thoughts or ideas but up until recently I really haven't had any need to express myself. Madonna would cry "For shame!".

Personally, I feel like I'm stagnant. You know, just kinda going through the day to day motions. I can't pinpoint when I stopped caring about things. I guess it happens to everyone at some point or another. A sort of midlife crisis, I guess. I've always been something of an idealist, dreaming of the impossible and how I was going to change the world. Reality sank in and expelled any ambition, dream or interest in its way. Apathy is a bad place to be.

I don't want this post to be a total downer. Just want to express the mood and place I feel like I've been in for the past few years. It's not as bleak or as depressing a portrait as I've painted either. Thoughts roam when you see people getting married or moving in together, children growing, people graduating and moving on to exciting or rewarding careers. You can't help but feel left behind at some point, as if you jumped off a train and the other passengers are so much further down the track than you are.

If anything I want this to be a marker of when I changed my mind and decided to do something different. I want this to be an indication of when I set about changing what I had been bitching about for so long. I want to be able to look back and see where the complacency ended and a man decided to pick himself up and keep moving.

I really don't remember why I started this blog. Probably because it was the "in" thing to do at the moment. Without glancing at previous posts I can surmise that it's mostly filled with fluff and filler. I want to contribute more substance in the future, more developed thoughts on my opinions and events going on in the world.

You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof). Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe. agnosticism 79% Islam 63% Christianity 58% Buddhism 58% Satanism 54% Paganism 42% atheism 38% Hinduism 29% Judaism 29% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

20% Dixie

10% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

LEVEL 7 -- VERY FEMININE

It's kinda assumed 'Oh, yeah he's gay'. Your consistent behavior leads anyone you come in contact with to think that you're more than likely a fun loving homo boy. You're the life of the party and your hands are moving and talking as much as your mouth. You clothes are so perfect that sometimes they look fake.

I really wish I could contribute to this more frequently. I find the day to day more trivial and less entertaining, I suppose summing things up every few weeks enhances the image that I'm more active (or not). In any case, I have as of late been far busier than I had anticipated. I've intentionally tried to keep my entries general as to not specify any details in my life...well, I guess that's somewhat pointless and at this point it would be difficult to explain things without clarification and more detail.
I work for the Sergeant at Arms for the Texas House of Representatives. For anyone not familiar with Texas Government, our legislature convenes every other year to pass legislation. It isn't the most efficient means of taking care of important state-wide issues, or the most timely, but somehow it works for us. Well, every other year the House and Senate meet from January through May. As of this past January we have been in session. When the House convenes the Sergeant's Office is primarily responsible for security within the House Chamber. This includes keeping the public off the floor and allowing only the Representatives and support staff who have access onto the floor in, media who have credentials onto the floor in, and maintenance of the public who can view each legislative day from the House Gallery. I've worked for the Sergeant's Office for four years now and this is my third legislative session (not including special sessions...that tale is for another day). In that time I've been posted in several places within the Chamber. My first year I delivered messages from the reception desk to the Reps (the only means of contact for the public or lobbyists who are prohibited from entering the floor). My second session I was stationed in the Gallery to keep a watch over the Public. During the numerous Special Sessions that followed my second session I was stationed at the Front Chamber Doors restricting access into the Chamber.
As you all should know I received a promotion at work (two to be precise). My duties now are more dubious and subjective than my past duties within the Chamber. I'm used to completing tasks efficiently and satisfactorily; my duties now have never been expressly or explicitly dictated to me. Essentially I'm on my own and I'm not sure of what I'm doing. Each day now is a new learning experience as I do one thing or another. While in session is amazes me how quickly time flies when you're catering to one potential disaster or another. I realize when you watch the proceedings on TV or Live Stream that it all seems somewhat effortless but being behind the scenes let me assure you that it's far more hectic than my past years of observation had led me to believe.
Today, in fact, the President of Madagascar came to our humble chamber. In the time I've worked there celebrities such as The Dixie Chicks, Chuck Norris (my mom's fav), Colby Donaldson (from Survivor, whom I have a photo with), Sissy Spacek and Tommy Lee Jones. I was fortunate enough to watch the Chamber one year when Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor came to swear in members of the Texas Supreme Court. Watching all of these left me with a sense of awe; today I saw the utter chaos that goes on. On any given day someone is in a panic but when several people are frantic and all their needs converge on one office (ours), it can lead to short tempers and a hurried mess.
I'll have to go into more detail what other duties my office does. There are several things I'd like to explain now but it's late and, of course, I would need to provide some sort of backstory for any understanding of the subject. My personal life at this time is very dull (the dullest, in fact, that I ever remember it being). Most of my entries will be work centric unless I start smoking crack for some unknown reason, in which case you'll hear about my crack binges and my escapades with crack whores. On a lighter, not work-related not joking note; I've found myself being inspired to write more poetry. You'll find about four volumes of such on my geocities site. In all reality they're songs but I present them to people as poetry because I have no means of expressing the musical aspect of the words. Sadly, its all trapped in my mind. I've always believed that I would only write when I had something to say. Guess I've got some stuff going on in my subconscious that needs some expression. I try to grow in technique, style, intuitiveness with each song (or poem...whatever). When I haven't written in awhile and I start up again I usually end up writing a massive amount in some sort of ecstasy. Everything fits together and leads each work into the next. I try to explain all of this with each volume I create on the site. I'm not sure where this new material will go. At this point its all by instinct. Once I finish something I'll post it here and maybe I could get some feedback (thanx to Alex who coerced me into getting the comments on my blog).
In any case, it's late now. Adios.

Ok, it's a brand new year! Oddly enough, I'm finding these annual events to matter less and less as I grow. Big fucking deal! Another year has passed by. So what? Well, I guess to a certain extent it does matter as a way of keeping track of where you've been and where you're going. When I think back to last New Years...well, my mind draws a blank. I'm quick to remember, though, other events that had happened around that time and it just amazes me both how quick and slow these markers come.
I'm finding myself now maturing far quicker than I thought was possible. It's hard to describe but there are moments when I'm doing something and my minds drifts into a conversation with itself, noting how odd it is that I'm doing what I'm doing or how I never thought I'd be but now am. Does that make sense? For instance, at work I help supervise several messengers and as a messenger I always thought how dumb some policies were. Now, as a supervisor, I'm on the opposite side of the fence implementing these policies and seeing everything from a completely different perspective. What mattered as a messenger meant little to what happened as a supervisor. It's been roughly a year since I advanced from messenger to supervisor and the dynamics of it all has finally caught up with me. When I first started I had the luxury of not being required to do much and thus most of my day was spent answering the phone and playing games online. Now I'm thoroughly kept busy with both projects and paperwork, not to mention slowly being eased into messenger personnel issues. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've been given to grow at work, and the administration of these tasks tells me that I'm capable of reliability and trust, but to a certain extent if I allow myself I can become overwhelmed by it all. I try to take each task that comes across my desk on a "task to task" basis as opposed to trying to look at it all and mapping my day. Bringing it on home, this is a prime (the prime) example of how I've matured. I'm work-centric at this point of my life. Further down the road I'd like to take the opportunity to head back to school, to get a degree and fantasize about what I would like to do with my life. Unfortunately, that time isn't now. I have bills to pay, a lifestyle I need to keep. I, for once, have the resources to take care of some things I should have taken care of before. I can say, up until now, I've been pissing my life away. Things have changed in my favor and I can try to position myself at this point to do what I would like to in the long term. Everything now: relationships, dreams, expressions of myself will all have to wait until June when the 79th Legislative Session is over and I can finally breath again. Until then, everything will revolve around work and another marker will begin: when I started having fun in 2005.

Wow! Have I not really posted anything in this long? This is just a travesty. Ok, maybe not. It's been awhile and I'm sure plenty has happened in that time. Oh yeah, I got a promotion at work. How cool is that. I'm making a significant chunk more than I used to and (for me) that's alot of dough. Only this past week did I realize exactly what all went along with that promotion.
At work the holiday season is the time of year where everyone goes mad trying to present the perfect legislative picture of what the holidays are suppossed to be. In the background everyone runs around without a single clue as to what's going on and everyone eventually stresses themselves out for no reason. Here's where I fit in: As everyone is trying to prepare for their parties and festivities and trying to see to other agendas that are going on concurrently; I'm left to try to manage a dwindled staff because they're either replacing the staffers (in other offices) who are scratching their asses as to what they're suppossed to do or aiding our office in helping these jackasses execute their "well planned" objectives. While it may seem that I'm whining about simply having to answer the phone it transcends that; the phones ring non-stop, problems arise in other office duties that require immediate attention that I, as the only one in the office, am able to attend to; I have my own assignments that I'm needing to get done that have to take the back burner until I have a free moment and whiny, needy staff that complain over the smallest inconvenience and who expect to be rewarded for nothing. Hmmm....I guess that's a mouthful. Add to that my desired/required presence on a Saturday at work to make sure the parties and festivities go off smoothly...yuck! I'm sorry but my idea of a Happy Holiday does not include: children, Santa, choirs or any sort of Christmas well-wishing. I'm strictly about the materialistic observance of the holiday.
On a related in that it pisses me off note: Sadie is being a complete total bitch. One (and I say this in that I have no concrete evidence) of the cats has pissed and crapped on the carpet. Sadie has been knocking and breaking Alex's things and I'm sure she's the one who did the nasty deeds. I don't know if its a phase that she's going through or perhaps she's trying to tell me something but something needs to be done. I wonder if the whole making a dog smell its poop to make it stop going indoors a la that woman on Trading Spouses actually works? I'll have to try it sometime.
Ok, I'm sure I've bored several with my whining and I truly do apologise...NOT! Your sorry skank ass read this whole thing...what does that say about you? In any case, my next post will cover my crappy Saturday and anything interesting that comes up in between...ciao!

You are STEWIE GRIFFIN! You're only a year old,
but you've already got plans for world
domination, if only that matronly harridan
would get out of your way! You're calculating
and highly intelligent, but you have a very
soft side that few people see. You get
defensive when cornered, and you really do work
best alone. You love being served by others,
and you're very reluctant to admit defeat.


Which Family Guy character are you? (12 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

Well shit, more people read this than I had thought. With that in mind I'll try to make these more interesting or at the very least more informational.
Well, the President and Senator Kerry have debated twice at this point. The President is an arrogant hot head and I can't wait to see if he'll be unseated. I really can't think of a president in recent memory who's been so loved while simultaneously being so hated. It's rather silly....especially when you consider how revered he was three years ago. Republican greed has it's price and hopefully it will be at the expense of the elections. Kerry's mopped the floor with the President at the debates and I can only hope that momentum carried him to the Oval Office in November. If you're a registered voter, vote! (for Kerry...heehee).
Lately I've been rather inspired to begin my own fansite and fan forum. You've heard me rave about Drew Fuller and I'm actually a staff member of a forum for him. The people there are amazing and its a fun way to be creative. My friend Lou created the site and its been spectacular to watch it grow from the single digits to double. I'm still eagerly anticipating the triple digits.
Anywho, back to MY creations. I thought to myself, I pretty much know what all goes into these, why don't I start one for someone I admire. Now at this point, if you know me, you should know who I've started the forum and fansite for. If you don't, shame on you!
The fansite has been put on the back burner while I work on the forum which is far more interative and in constant need of my eyes. The site I hope to be somewhat nice and classy (far more structured than my own personal site), so I'm taking my sweet time with it.
The fan forum is essentially done. There's still a lot of material I'm needing to load and I need to go about advertising it, which is far more work than I'm accustomed (but something I did for Drew Fuller Chat, Lou's site). The forum is called Madonna Fan Forum as is the name of the fansite. The forum is rather small but it's only a week old so...you know, fuck off. Like I said about the fansite, I haven't had time to work on it so there's only the main page at this point. If you get a chance, check them out.

Sadie's crying and my breath stinks, so I'm gonna kick Sadie out of the room and brush my teeth. Later

I don't know if there's something in the air (which there is, and its giving me the sneezing fits) but I'm having a nice sense of completion. Lately, as you may or may not have noticed, I've been writing some fanfiction for DrewFullerForum.Com It was a collaborative effort but now I'm working on my own and its fantabulous! It really gives my creativeness an outlet with which to explore and I find myself constantly thinking about what aspects of the story I'm going to manipulate. For anyone interested, Drowned World is being published (so to speak) on www.fanfiction.net A direct link to the story can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/657393/

Ok, I've added a link where anyone (if interested) can read the story I mentioned in my last post. It's finished now, well that portion anyway. I started a new thread to continue the story as the sole writer and I titled that bit Drowned World. If you know me you know I stole that title from a Madonna song but it seems totally appropriate for what I intend for this story. You'll have to check it out. http://www.drewfullerforum.com/viewtopic.drew?t=845
In Sadie news, little butt had tapeworms. They were sooo incredibly disgusting. Three or four days of this I had to suffer and I was completely repulsed. I took her to the vet as soon as I could and got that shit taken care of. Little bits of worm would randomly come out of her butt, like little boogers. Then they dried and turned into rice. OMG...I'm gonna vomit.
That's pretty much it. I'm bored and tired so I'm leaving now. Ciao!

Ok, I don't know if its maturity settling in or domestication but life's been really dull lately. I don't know exactly how to describe it. I'm just sooo bored. Part of me thinks it might have been the relocation I did last year to North Austin, y'know away from city...but a part of me think its just a mellowing. I have to admit I'm a lot older and wiser than I used to be...but making mistakes can be fun and exciting. Its the vitality of trying new things I'm missing and I haven't tried anything new in a long time.
One release for me is this Charmed fanfiction I've been writing on DrewFullerForum. It started out as a collaborative effort by a lot of forum members but eventually I just took the helm. I'm really happy with all that I've written and I'm dying to write more. Right now I'm at a point where I'm gonna finish that thread and continue the story in a new one, where I'll be the complete author. It's just a matter of wrapping up where I am and creating the passage for the next chapter, so to speak.
Sadie has been driving me crazy lately. She won't shut up. Ordinarily I won't mind but she won't let me sleep at night. My roomate was up on the phone one morning and heard me wake up 3 times within an hour. Lord knows how much more often I have to wake up because of her. I'm gonna have to find a solution to where I give her attention and I get sleep. So far no luck. I'll keep updating on this.

Alrightie, what's happened this past month? Oh yeah, remember that total hottie I stated I've been infatuated with (ok, maybe infatuated isn't the word. How about facinated by)? His name is Drew Fuller and he's been playing Chris on Charmed. He had a live chat in mid-June that I was fortunate enough to have caught. Oh, it was amazing! And I got to ask him a question. He's great.
My birthday was a few days before that live chat. It was pretty low key but fun nonetheless. Didn't get wasted but I sure did make a memorable video (Patty knows what I'm talking about).
Well crap, I summed up the month. Not very exciting, huh? Well get over it!